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KADDARAR RAMLAH BOOK 1 PAGE 41
..... it's cold, my face is shaking, like I'm going to fall. Tears continued to fall, and my heart asked him, "Am I his daughter?" This kind of words... this pain... from a father? I just sat next to the wall and braced myself. My heart was pounding as if it had been put in a furnace. I covered my mouth with my palms, because I didn't want to see how the tears were rising with my breathing. God knows... I didn't do anything wrong... But why did they not like me? I am in bed, my body is lying on the mattress, my eyes are looking at the ceiling of the room but my heart is in a different world. Although I was far from the living room, I heard Mumy's voice as if she was in front of me. By God, Abban Ramlah, if you would help me marry her now, I would be happy. Just look at the picture that Anty Luba took from the hospital... God bless you. That's what she said is the one that can be seen! She said that the rest of the pictures could not be viewed because of their ugliness. I lowered my eyes hard, tears were streaming down my face. I don't know what I feel except shame and humiliation. Another heart says that I am not a person among them. Abba started trouble in Zainabu's living room!
Masifa kawai nake ji daga falo. Muryar Abba ta cika gidan gaba ?aya, yana fa?a kamar wanda zai tarwatse dakin. Mumy na gefe tana ?ara tayashi da nata zagin. Ni kuma... ina can kusurwar falo, dur?ushe a kasa, jikina rawa yake, hawaye kuma na gangarowa ba tare da izini ba.
Zuciyata babu kwanciyar hankali. Na kalli bangon gidan da nake kira gidan mu amma babu wata natsuwa da nake ji. Wannan gida da ya kamata ace ina samun kulawa da farin ciki ya zama gurin da nake jin kunya da tsoron shigarsa. Gurin da na fi jin azaba fiye da wuri ko ina a duniya.
Abba ya juyo da sauri, idonsa jajir, yana nuna ni da yatsa kamar zai soka cikin idanuna.
Dan ubanki Ramlah! Maganin kibar nan kika kuma siya kike sha ko? Yanzu baki da hankali kenan sai ?in illatar dakanki? Cikin tsananin kuka da tsoro nace da ?asa da murya A a Abba... Wallahi... ban kuma sha ba. Ni fa ban sha komai ba. Sai ya ?ara daga murya, fuskarsa ta canza launi Tashi! Tashi ki bani guri!. Na yi saurin tashi na ja kaina gefe. Jikina yayi sanyi, ?afata har rawa take, kamar zan fa?i. Hawaye na cigaba da gangarowa, zuciyata kuma na masa tambaya "Ni ce yarsa?"Wannan irin kalaman... wannan zafin... daga mahaifi?
Sai kawai na zauna gefen bango, na dafe kaina. Zuciyata na bugawa da karfi kamar wacce aka saka cikin murhun wuta. Na rufe bakina da tafin hannu na, saboda ba na son suji yadda hawayen ke ha?uwa da hucin numfashina. Allah ka sani... ba laifi nayi ba... Amma me ya sa na zama basa sona?
Ina cikin ?aki, jikina kwance a kan katifa, ido na na kallon rufin dakin amma zuciyata tana wata duniya daban. Duk da nesa da falon nake, naji muryar Mumy sosai kamar tana gabana. Wallahi Abban Ramlah, idan da zaka taimaka ka aurar da ita yanzu, na samu sau?i. Kaga dai hoton da Anty Luba ta turamun daga asibiti... kai, Allah ya kiyaye. Hakan ma tace shine wanda za a iya gani! Tace sauran hoton ma ba a iya dubawa saboda muninsu.
Na runtse idona da ?arfi, hawaye na silalowa. Ban san me nake ji ba sai kunya da wulakanci. Wata zuciyar tana cemun Ni ba mutum bace a wajensu.
Abba yafara masifa a falo Zainabu! Ki dakata! Ki barni da damuwata... ni dai yanzu ina bukatar natsuwa, ba wannan masifar taki ba.
Na dafa ?irjina, na furta da wani kunci a cikin zuciyata Ya Allah... idan mutuwa za ta kasance mafita, ka ?aukeni. Ban da wanda ke sona, ko ya damu dani. Rayuwa tamun nauyi. Na gaji... na gaji da zama abin ?yama, na gaji da wulakanci, na gaji da rashin adalci...
Kuka na ya tsananta. Na saka yatsuna biyu a bakina ina hana kaina kara, amma zuciyata na ta kuka. Fuskata ta ji?e da hawaye, na?a??un ciwo na zuciya ya cigaba da huda dukkan jinina kamar ?aya.
Na bu?e baki a hankali, muryata kamar ana cire ta daga mafitsara, nace Ya Allah... duk inda rayuwa take, ka bani mafita. Duk inda mutunci yake, ka juyo mun da shi. Amma idan kuwa hakan bazai samu ba to ka juyar da raina zuwa inda ba za a sake wulakantani ba. Dakyar na iya tashi nayi alwala, na gabatar da salloli na. Wallahi gabana sai kai-kayi yake, zuciyata cike take da wani nauyi mai kama da ciwo. Na zauna ina shafawa jikina mai, amma radadin raina da na jiki sun ha?u sun mayar dani tamkar wanda ba ransa.
Cikin dare bayan na yi bacci na farka, zuciyata ba ta da natsuwa. Naji kamar karar waya daga falon Abba. Na tsaya a bakin ?ofa ina sauraro. Sai naji muryar yaya Usman a waya yana fadin Abba, komai zakace akan Ramlah, bazan amince ba. Ka daina zargin yarinyar nan. Ka bari ta dawo gurina. Momy dai mahaifiyata ce, amma Abba, ka duba lamarin da idon adalci. Ramlah amanarka ce. Dama kakirani ne akan Bilkisu nasan zata iya. Amma don Allah, ka tausaya mata.
Abba bai bari ba, sai da ya tsawatar masa, yana fa?in Usman! Kai kake ?arfafa ta! Tana da matsala! Amma duk da haka yaya Usman bai daina kare ni ba. Har sai da ya ce Abba, idan akan makaranta ne... eh, tafara zuwa makarantar yanzu. Kuma ni nake ?aukan nauyin komai. Kudin makarantar shekaru biyar gaba ?aya na biya. Abba, Ramlah ba fitinanniya bace.
Na ji Abba na girgiza murya cikin mamaki Kayi mata rijista a makarantar kudi irin haka? Usman kusan miliyan takwas fa ka biya! Ina laifin makarantar gwamnati? Sai yaya Usman ya amsa da nutsuwa Abba, duk da haka, Allah yabata ilimi mai amfani. Muna rokon Ubangiji yasa muga amfani da ilimin nata.
Na jiyo sautin kashe wayar. Ina jin hakan na sauke wata ajiyar zuciya mai nauyi kamar dutse ya daga daga zuciyata. Wani sanyi da kwanciyar hankali suka lullube raina. Kai! Ashe har yanzu akwai wanda ke kallona da idon tausayi. Ashe har yanzu akwai wanda ke ganina da daraja.
Na mi?e na yi alwala, na sake gabatar da salla. Cikin kuka na ro?i Allah da zuciya guda Ya Allah! Ka shiga lamarina. Ka kare min mutuncina. Ka gafarta min. Ka ba Khalil lafiya. Ka sau?a?a min kaddara ta. Ka bani mafita daga wannan duniyar da ke min tsanani.
Na dur?usa gaban Ubangiji da hawaye, amma zuciyata ta ?an fara jin natsuwa, domin a ?alla akwai wani yaya Usman da ke cikin mutanen da ke ganin darajata.
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Kwana uku kenan rabona da Khalil. Wallahi na rame fiye da yadda ake tsammani. Fuskata ta dumfare, idanuwana sun dan?are da hawaye. Kamar wadda ke fama da zazzabi, haka jikina ya koma duk a dalilin rashinsa da rashin jin halin da yake ciki.
Daman tun lokacin da Abba ya gaji da matsin lamba sai ya daukeni da kansa ya kaini wata babbar private university a cikin gari. Shi da kansa ya tabbatar da admission ?ina da komai accommodation, ID card, har da orientation pack. Amma ni ban ji da?in komai ba. Hankalina gaba ?aya yana asibitin da aka kwantar da masoyina.
Bayan mundawo ina zaune sai naga Musa almajirin gidanmu wanda ke aiki da Mai gadi. Sai na kirashi cikin sassaucin murya.
Musa dan Allah, zaka iya zuwa Asibitin Darmal Specialist Hospital ka duba min Khalil? Ka dawo ka gayamin halin da yake ciki. Zuciyata tana rawa, ban da lafiya idan banji halinsa ba.
Musa ya girgiza kai cikin girmamawa. To Aunty Ramlah, bakomai, zanje yanzu.
Na janyo 'yar leda daga jakata, na ciro dubu daya daga cikin ?10,000 da Abba ya bani don makaranta. Na mikamasa.
Ka ?auki wannan, sai ka hau keke Napep zuwa can. Ka duba lafiyarsa, kada kayi dogon zance da kowa ka dawo kai tsaye ka fadamin komai. Ka fahimta?
Na fahimta Aunty, ya ce, ya juya da sauri.
Bayan kusan awa biyu, Musa ya dawo. Har lokacin ina tsakar gida ina ha?a lemon zaki da zuma. Da sauri ya karaso kusa dani, numfashinsa na ?an dagawa. Na dubeshi da idon da ke cike da fargaba da tambaya.
Musa...? Sai ya furta cikin salo mai kwantar da rai Alhamdulillah, da sauki. Khalil yana samun sauki yanzu. Yana bacci lokacin da naje, amma nasamu Nurse Maimuna, tace yau yaci abinci kadan. An bashi magani. Har sai da ya tambayi Ramlah, amma sai aka ce masa kinje makaranta.
Ban san lokacin da hawaye suka gangaro daga idanuna ba. Na sauke ajiyar zuciya kamar wadda aka cire daga rana.
Alhamdulillah Ya Allah... Na gode Maka Ya Ubangiji. Na kama sujjada a filin tsakar gida cikin kuka, ina godiya da murna.
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Washegari da sassafe, ?arar agogo ta farkar da ni. Kamar yadda aka saba, zuciyata cike take da tunani iri-iri. Na mike daga gadona, na dube agogo ?arfe shida da rabi na safe. A yau zan fara wani sabon babi a rayuwata rayuwar jami a. Wannan ce ranar farko da zan shiga jami a a matsayin ?aliba, kuma ina jin wani irin ?an tsoro da kwarjini a lokaci guda.
Na shirya cikin kayan da zan saka naje makaranta dana ware. Na lullube kaina da hijabi mai tsabta. Lokacin da na tsaya gaban madubi, ban iya gane kaina sosai ba. Ina ganin wata sabuwar ce cikakkiyar mace mai burin rayuwa, wacce ke ?o?arin mantawa da abubuwan da suka faru a baya.
Gaban gidanmu, motar Abba ta tsaye, Malam Idi na zaune cikin nutsuwa. Na shiga mota cikin shiru, zuciyata na dukan sauti kamar anata bugunta da karfe. Muka nufi jami ar A.Y. Global University, ?aya daga cikin manyan makarantu masu zaman kansu a birnin. Ginin jami ar ya bayyana daga nesa, yana shawagi da alfarma da natsuwa. Wurin ya cika da sabbin fuskoki wasu na dariya, wasu na tunani, wasu na tsoro.
Na sauka daga mota a harabar makarantar, na kalli ?alibai maza da mata, kowanne da jakar laptop a kafada, wasu suna ?auke da file, wasu kuma suna daukar hoto a gaban tambarin jami a. Na ji kamar ana kallona. Wata irin murya daga zuciyata na ce min wannan ce farkon tafiyarki.
Mun fara da rajista a Babban Dakin Taro. Can na ha?u da wasu yan mata yan uwana ?alibai. Sun kasance masu fara a. Mun gaisa, munyi musayar lambar waya, sannan muka zauna tare. Muryar wani jami in makaranta ta tsinke shiru da kiran sunayenmu, yana bamu umarnin inda zamu nufa don daukar jadawalin karatu.
Lokacin da na kar?i jadawali na kuma kalli ajin farko "GST 101 Manhajar Rayuwa da Darajoji" na lumshe ido, na saki wani numfashi mai zurfi. A wannan rana na yanke shawara zan tsaya da ?arfi, zan karanta da himma, zan rubuta labarina da hannuna.
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