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KADDARAR RAMLAH BOOK 1 PAGE 44
.....n the street light that came in through the thin leather curtains. The night light is shining on his bright face which is full of worry. Slowly his body moved, his body was stretching, as if he was feeling cold but not from the body but from the heart. He bit his lip hard, as if he was preventing himself from saying something that could change his mind completely. He has no problem with Ayshatu. No, Ayshatu satisfied him in every aspect. She showed him love and trust. She is the woman any man would want as a life partner. But he feels a spiritual fear, fearing that he is violating her rights, or that he feels her love more than he should. He feels guilty not because she did anything to him, but because he loves her and is afraid of hurting her. He always asks her if he is satisfying her, if he is fair to her. But she always said stop thinking like that. You satisfy me more than you think. You are stronger than yourself. He kept feeling as if her words of sympathy were trying to calm him down, but his heart was trying to separate his messages. The ringing of his phone interrupted him from his deep thoughts. He was looking at the Eiffel Tower from afar, and he had to look out t
Unguwar Neuilly-sur-Seine, Paris.
Yana tsaye ne a cikin kayataccen ?akinsa mai fadin gaske dake unguwar Neuilly-sur-Seine, wani yanki ne na masu ku?i da attajirai kudi a gefen birnin Paris, yanki mai zaman kansa da cike da bushes masu launin zinariya, da lambuna masu ?amshi, da fitilun tituna masu saukar haske kamar na aljanna.
Gidan mallakinsa ne ba haya ba, ba ?auka ba. Shine ya gina shi da ku?in ginin kamfaninsa na kasuwanci da kuma zuba jari a kasuwar hannun jari (stock market), da cibiyoyin hada-hadar kadarori da na kasashen waje.
Ko da yake duniya tana kallonsa a matsayin attajiri mai farin jini kuma ?an sarki daga asalin Najeriya, wanda ya yi fice a duniya, zuciyarsa kuma cike take da jijjiga da damuwa mai nauyi. Sai dai a duk wannan, Ayshatu ce ta fi kusa da shi fiye da kowa. Ita ke kula da lafiyarsa, kulawarsa, damuwarsa ita ce matarsa, masoyi, kuma abokiyar shawara. Ta koyi yadda zata karanta damuwarsa ko da bai ce komai ba.
Ya tsaya a jikin gilashin tagar ?akin, yana kallon hasken titi da ya shigo cikin siririyar labulen fata. Hasken dare yana yawo a fuskarsa mai haske dake cike da damuwa.
A hankali jikinsa ya motsa, tsigar jikinsa tana kara mikewa, kamar yana jin sanyi amma ba daga jiki ba daga zuciya ce. Ya cije le?ensa da ?arfi, kamar yana hana kansa fa?ar wani abu da zai iya juyar masa da tunani gaba ?aya.Ba yana da matsala da Ayshatu ba. A'a Ayshatu ta gamsar da shi a kowane fanni. Ta nuna masa ?auna da amana. Ita ce matar da duk wani namiji zai so a matsayin abokiyar rai.
Amma yana jin wani tsoro na ruhaniya tsoron ko yana shiga hakkinta, ko yana jin da?in soyayyarta fiye da yadda ya kamata. Yana jin laifi ba don tayi masa komai ba, sai don yana ?aunarta har da jin tsoron bata mata rai.
Shi ko da yaushe yana tambayarta ko yana gamsar da ita, ko yana mata adalci. Amma ita kullum sai tace Ka daina tunani haka. Kana gamsar da ni fiye da yadda kake tunani. Ka fi karfin zargi da kanka. Sai ya dinga jin kamar kalamanta na tausayawa ne tana ?o?arin kwantar masa da hankali, amma shi zuciyarsa tana rarrabe masa sakonni.
Karar wayarsa ce ta katse shi daga zurfin tunanin da ya shige.yana kallon Eiffel Tower daga nesa, sai da ya duba taga kafin ya kai hannu kan wayar da ke kara kamar zata katse.Ya dan shafa kansa a hankali, fuskar sa cike da gajiya da tsananin damuwa. Ya ?aga wayar ya kara a kunnen sa yana murmushin ?aryar da ya saba yi idan zuciyarsa ta kai ?ololuwar wahala.
As ad, dazu ka kira. Ina gurin Mai Martaba ne? Da fatan kuna lafiya?
Muryar Hajja ce Mahaifiyarsa, Kamar yadda ta saba, ta fara ne da tambaya, amma cikin tambayar akwai zargi, akwai tsawa, akwai kulawa. Yanzu hakan da ka yi dai-dai ne kenan? Ka bar kasuwancin da ka gina a ?asarka, ka koma wata ?asa saboda kawai wani ya maka sharri?
As ad ya runtse ido kamar zai hana wani abu shiga tunaninsa. Sai zuciyarsa ta cika da ?una, da daci, da ra?a?i mai ha?uwa da zafin wulakanci. Wani abu kamar nauyin dutsen da ya dade a ?irjinsa, ya sake latsa zuciyarsa.
Zagin da Haneefah ta jawo masa bai tsaya a cikin gida ba. Ya yadu har wajen, har abokan kasuwanci, har manyan da suke yi masa kallon gwarzo.
Zuciyarsa ta girgiza da ?arfi lokacin da Hajja ta sake tambaya da murya mai taushi Kana jina ne ko? Kai kuwa kana da tabbaci wannan abun da take cewa gaskiya ne? Cikin ?asa da murya amma da karfin nutsuwa, ya amsa
Hajja... ba ?arya take ba. Da gaske take.
Kamar yaya yarima? Da gaske kace? Yaya zaka ce haka? Kana jin kanka kuwa? Bakaga likita ba ni ba? As ad, fa wannan magana ba ce mai sau?i.
Yayi shiru. Ya dan sauke numfashi kamar wanda ya rasa wani ?angare na kansa. Ya dafe goshi da hannun hagu, idonsa yana kallon bene mai she?i wanda fitilun ?akin ke ta?a shi da launin fari. Duk abinda ya kamata nayi Hajja... nayi. Na ga manyan likitoci a ?asashe fiye da guda uku. Har India na je makon jiya. Na je UK, na je Germany, amma kowanne likita kalma daya yake fa?a 'Lafiyarka kalau.' Na gwada herbal medicine, amma babu wani sauyi. Wani lokacin ma kamar ciwon yana ?aruwa ne.
Yayi maganar yana runtse ido, tamkar yana son jure wani zafi da bai bayyana a jiki ba, amma yana yawo cikin kwararan jijiyoyinsa.
Daga dayan bangaren, Hajja ta kar?i shiru na ?an lokaci, kafin ta bu?e baki da wata kalma mai nauyi sosai a kunne Anya ba asiri ne ba As ad? Ba wani abu aka maka ba ne?
Kalmar ta tsaya masa kamar sara akan dadduma. Idanunsa sun bude da sauri, zuciyarsa na bugawa da wani sabon yanayi. Bai san yadda zai kare kansa daga wannan tunanin ba saboda har yanzu bai fahimci tushen wannan jinya da ciwon ba.
Asiri fa kika ce, Hajja? Wannan fa ba asiri bane mutum ya rasa ta inda zai warke. Babu wanda yake bani amsa sai dai ace lafiyata kalou.
Nikam bansan me zan ce ba yanzu sai dai nace kawai ka cigaba da addu'a sosai. Ka dage da azkar, da karatun Alkur ani. Babu abinda yafi karfin Allah.
Ya mur?e fuskar sa cikin ciwon da ba a iya fassara shi a cikin kalmomi. A lokacin, shiru ya shige wayar, amma zuciyoyinsu biyu sun cika da nauyin da ba sa iya fa?a.
To yanzu, idan nasa aka kawo maka rubutun rukiyya ko na malamai... za kasha ? Hajja ta tambaya, tana ?o?arin samu ko da ?ofa ?aya da za ta shiga ta agaza masa.
Zan kar?a, Hajja. Amma... bana jin karfin komai. Sai dai a taimaka min da addu'a. Ni da kaina na fara shakkar kaina. Amma idan Allah zai kawo sau?i daga wannan hanya, zan gwada.
Ya ?are da murya mai sanyi. Godiya yayi mata da gaskiya daga zuciyarsa. Sannan suka yi sallama Ya ajiye wayar a hankali, ya jingina a kujerarsa. Hasken fitilar chandelier yana sauka a kansa.
*** Duk wani salo na jaraba, fitina, narkar da zuciya da ramgwadar namiji Ayshatu ta kware. Matar nan ba kowacce irin mace bace. Kyawunta yana ?ayatar da ido tun kafin ka fahimci shigarta, sannan kulawarta na tafiya da zuciyar namiji kamar ruwa a kan tabarma.
A yau, sanye take da wasu hadaddun kaya daga Maison Ala a, rigar famai launin fari da ba?i, tana ta?a jikinta da santsi kamar ruwan madara. Turarenta mai ?an ?amshin oud da vanilla ya ratsa dukkan ?akin, yana ha?uwa da sanyin iska da ke shigo wa ta tagar Neuilly-sur-Seine.
Ta bu?e ?ofar bedroom ?insa da salo kamar yadda ta saba, da nutsuwa, da kwarjini. Ba tare da wata magana ba, ta nufi inda yake zaune, yana daddabe kansa cikin damuwa, fuskar sa cike da zurfin tunani.
Bata zauna a gado ba.
Ta zauna a cinyarsa, ta lullu?e hannunsa da nata, tana mai aika masa da wani narkakken kallon da ya kashe tunani. Idanunta sun cika da yaren da ba a fassara so, damuwa, da ?aunar da zata iya narkar da dutse.
"Ayshatu..." ya furta a cikin wata ?asa da murya, yana kallonta kamar ya rasa mafita, "Ayshatu da ace lafiyata kalau
"Ta buga gefen kirjinsa da sauri, kamar yarinya, muryarta na ?an huci "ka daina fa?in haka! Nifa mijina yana da lafiya. Wannan maganar naka tana dagula min tunani. Duk lokacin da kace ba ka da lafiya, zuciyata na mur?uwa kamar an sa mata ?aya.
Ta matsa kusa, ta sumbace hancinsa da sau?i, sannan ta aika masa da wani kiss mai dumi da tsantsar ?auna, har sai da numfashinsa ya dan canza. Amma sai kawai ya furta, cikin wata murya marar zafi
Ayshatu ban jin komai. Ban jin wani abu da zan iya nunawa dake cewa ina ?aunarki da jiki. Ban da ?arfi. Kuma ba na jin ?wan?wasa... ba na jin bu?ata. Ina so ace ina jin wani abu, amma babu.
Ayshatu ta ture kanta a hankali, kamar yarinya da take ?o?arin tayar da hankali. Ta sha?i hancinsa, ta matsa lips ?inta kusa da kunnensa, tana ra?a
"Ni fa ina jin komai. Ina jin bu?atar ka sosai. Mu yi soyayya, As ad. Ka sumbace ni, ka rungume ni, ka tabani... kayi duk abinda zai sa ni mantawa da damuwa ta wannan duniyar.
Numfashinsa ya dan ja da nisa. Sai ya yi ?an murmushin nan nasa mai tsada wanda kowa a duniya ke kira signature smile ?insa. Cikin murya mai sanyi da sau?in tabbas ya ce
"Yanzun nan kuwa? Kin tabbata za ki iya ?aukata?"
Ayshatu ta girma. Ta zama mace mai ilimi, kudi, nutsuwa, amma hakan bai hana ta zama matar aure mai hankali ba. Duk da shekarunta, bata bar shagwaba ba, bata bar ?o?arin nuna ?auna ba.
??? Dan kin fara girma ko shekarunki sun ja, ba shine zai hanaki yina wa mijinki shagwaba da kauna ba. Ki zauna gaban mijinki kina masa duk wani abu da zai ji kamar bashi da wata a duniya sai ke. Ba a tsufa a gado wallahi!
?? Ku gyara mata. Ku nishadantu da mazajenku. Kada ku manta mijinki ?aya ne, amma shi yana iya ?ara guda uku idan bai ji isasshiyar kulawa ba.
Gida ba kawai wurin zama bane, gida shine fagen yaki da damuwar zuciya kuma mace ce makamin soyayya idan ta san yadda ake amfani da kanta.
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